My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.
Then she told me to take off her skirt.
Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.
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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.
When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
---------------------------
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, "Mummy, why is my name Petal?"
The mother replied, "Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, "Mummy why is my name Rose?" she replied,
"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head."
The last baby walked up to her and said, "BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY."
The mother replied, "Please be quiet, Refrigerator."
NO, ČE PA TO NI ORIGINALEN IZGOVOR …..
Žena pride prej iz službe in najde moža v postelji z neznanko.
Besna mu reče, da ga zapušča. Mož jo prosi, naj prisluhne njegovemu
pojasnilu, zakaj se je to zgodilo:
Peljal sem se z avtom in ob cesti zagledal jokajočo mlado žensko,
umazano, v raztrgani obleki in boso. Ker se mi je zasmilila, sem jo
vzel v avto in jo odpeljal domov, da se očedi. Ko se je stuširala,
sem ji dal tvoje perilo, ki ti je premajhno, svileno bluzo in hlače,
ki si ju samo enkrat nosila in tvoje superge za tek, ki si jih samo
dvakrat obula. Dal sem ji celo nekaj goveje pečenke iz hladilnika,
s katero mi nisi postregla. Lepo se mi je zahvalila za vse in se
napotila iz hiše. Na pragu pa se je obrnila in me vprašala:
Imate še kaj takega, česar vaša žena ne uporablja več?????????
When the first American caught a glimpse of him, he said, "Coach, he's HUGE. I'm scared."
The coach replied, "You da MAN! Just go in there and tear him up!"
The guy started the match quite confidently, but after about a minute, the Russian picked him up, slammed him into the famous pretzel, and sent him to the emergency room.
The same thing happened to the second wrestler, so the third guy was petrified. He told his coach he was backing out.
The coach said, "C'mon, son. You're our last chance!"
The kid started out pretty well, but when the Russian started to twist him into the pretzel, the coach covered his eyes. When he opened them, he saw the referee holding the American's hand up in victory. The coach, baffled, asked the kid how he did it.
"Well Coach, when that damn Russian picked me up and started twisting my body, it HURT! So when I saw two red things dangling there, I bit them... HARD! You'd be surprised what you can do when you bite your own balls!"
Ide Huso cestom i sretne Cecu.
Kaže on njoj:
- "Ceco de majke ti, sad ću ja ovuda proći sa curom. Pa ako ti nije teško samo me pozdravi da ispadnem faca."
- "Ok, nema problema", reče Ceca. I baš, nakon nekoliko ide Huse sa curom, kad će njemu Ceca:
- "Ćao Huso, šta mi radiš?"
Huso onako, bez volje, na silu:
- "Daj Ceco goni se u kurac više i ti!"
RECEPTI ZA TORTO
Gorenjski: sposodi si 3 jajca, 1 kg moke, pecilni prašek,...
Ciganski: Ukradi 3 jajca, 1 kg moke, pecilni prašek,...
:D
